A Long Time Coming

It has been so long since I wrote on here that I have nearly forgotten how.
So much has happened already this year.  2015 has been very busy.

In February, my sister and I went to Hawaii, that was beautiful.  We had a great time, swimming in the sea, shopping, swimming.  Coming home was horrible because I knew that Chris would not be waiting for me with open arms. I wont ever get used to that. 

When I got home, I found a house that I thought I would like to live in.
I have been mulling over the probabilities of moving one day.  The house that Chris and I lived in for nearly 10 years was too big and too much maintenance for me plus we have stairs.  Stairs and fibromyalgia just don't mix. Funny that!

I had some tenants in the new house for a few months before they changed their minds about living in Tassie and went back to WA. So that pushed all my well laid plans up a few months. 
My house had to go on the market and lots of planning, lists and sorting had to be done....again! Didn't I just do all this 18 months ago?  Oh well, onwards we head. I'm sure it will all work out in the end because I truly believe this is the best thing for me. 

The second year of widowhood is something that I cannot even find the words to describe. If the first year is fast and furious with grief and shock  then the second year is slow and crippling with the realisation that this is it.  This is my life now and I don't really go much for it. 

Every day I still want Chris back and every day the realisation that that will never happen seeps a little more into my soul. 

There is no quick fix and there is no salve for the hurt and the yearning just to see him and hold him again.  I still wonder what, how, when this new life, that I never asked for, will become more bearable. Little by little, I guess.

It has not been all doom and gloom though.  There are definitely joys along the way. Emily and Farooq's baby boy is doing beautifully and growing more gorgeous every day. I know all grandmothers think that, but truly, he is the Worlds Most Beautiful Baby. I have been up to see them and will go again before Christmas.

And we have another BB coming to join our family early in 2016 - so blessed

My brother moved back to Tassie, which was lovely to have him here close by; my son moved into his own home and he is still close by; one step son moved back North of the State and the other moved to Queensland;  poor old Dad took sick with pneumonia and is becoming an old man in front of our eyes but he still is the centre of the family and has been such a wonderful support to me;  my sister had a health crisis and my other sisters daughter had a health crisis; our little dog went to join all those loved pets in Heaven.  

A mixed bag really - but that is the case with us all, isn't it?

And friends - friends both in person and on line have been fantastic.  I could not cope without them.