Normally I look forward to my birthday with a child like anticipation of being spoilt and having a fuss made. This year I just wanted the day to come and quickly go. I wasn't looking forward to it, I was dreading it - just like I have dreaded many of the Special Days of the calendar this year.
The last few months have been a bit horrid. After keeping it all together for the weddings and getting through Chris' birthday, July arrived with a great crashing thud followed on by a glum and sorry August.
This was exacerbated by the fact that I contracted the dratted flu and was very sick for about three weeks; add into the mixing pot, dreary winter days, final tax returns for my beloved and a long drawn out renovation that should have taken three weeks max. and took just under seven!! (That's a whole post ion its own, everything went wrong with wrong baths, vanities made wrong and damaged shelf units....oh dear!)
So you can see, I had a bit going on. Anyway, like my sister keeps telling me - this too shall pass and it did. Even though I don't like her telling me that.
So my birthday ....turns out it was going to be worse than I had imagined. I received a phone call telling me the news that a very dear friend of ours had passed away on my birthday. Dear kind Terry, adored husband of Sue, what a lovely man he was. Terry had been battling cancer for six years and had always shown remarkable strength, unwavering love and devotion to his wife.
Terry had resilience and guts that I admired immensely. He was a true gentleman, not smug and seeking his own grandification, just a true honest friend. Sue and Terry welcomed Chris with open arms over 11 years ago when we moved to Launceston to start a new job. They proved to be loving reliable companions, whom we both loved.
My heart broke again when Sue told me of Terry's passing because I knew what lay ahead for her.
I just hope that Terry and Chris have found each other in Heaven and are swapping yarns, reliving old Glory Days and looking down on Sue and I with careful, loving eyes. I'm sure they support us still and send us both strength.
And now September, lovely Spring September. The days are longer, Chris' beautiful daffs are coming out and there is a general feeling of renewal in the air.
I feel calmer and somehow a bit stronger. I feel brighter about the future, not so scared and not so daunted.
Maybe my cup has been re-filled. Maybe my Darling and God are getting their heads together and sending hope and love and inspiration.
Maybe I have found the road that is a little bit wider, a little bit less steep, a little bit more picturesque; maybe it's because it's Spring!
Whatever the reason, I will take it and hold it very close cos I don't want it to rewind.
