I find it hard to believe that nearly 11 months have passed and I am still functioning on some kind of normal level and that I have not completely sunk underground, under water, under the weight of the all consuming grief of losing Chris.
I have kept a journal this year and it has been mostly to do with dealing with the death of my husband, Chris. The journal has certainly changed over the last few months, a new pattern is emerging. I no longer write in it every day but when I do, it ususally a couple of pages rather than a few paragraphs. Which is surprising because I have not written on this blog for a long time. My focus is changing.
That, I think, is a good thing.
It will very soon be the first anniversary of Chris' death. I am facing this with trepidation. The very thought of it makes me feel all sick and yucky in the tummy. I can't bear the thought of another year without him. But bear it I must.
My daughter told me a great thing once, "If you can't get out of it; get into it." So with that in mind, I had better start making some plans for getting into 2015. The little list above, I thought, was a good place to start.
I reckon I can break one bad habit, but I have a few so not quite sure which one is the greater of the evils - LOL! Forsaking perfection may be a little more difficult but I am also willing to give that a try :)
As I look forward, the future scares me but my other wise daughter (I have two wise daughters) told me, "You dont have to do it all at once, just a day at a time." I know this of course but my goodness, I do need a lot of reminding. I'm a little slow on the uptake some times.
That Rachel Taylor is a very wise young woman too. She said you need three things to be happy
1. Someone to love.....well I have those - thank you beautiful family and friends
2. Something to do....hello work and play
3. Something to look forward to......holiday in Hawaii in February with lovely sister :)
I am going to try with all my might to go into 2015, smiling and laughing, just like Chris told me to do - cos I know he will be watching :)
Happy New Year, my beautiful, encouraging friends, may God bless you all with good health and plenty of smiles and laugh out loud moments spent with loved ones. Quiet reflective times are good too.
