Honey and Vinegar

I had a little surprise waiting for me when I got home. I love to get mail and I prefer the ones that don't have windows or unrequested raffle books (that I then have to buy myself cos I don't want to bug my friends to buy them and I feel bad sending them back unsold!).

My little surprise was  a hand written note and a cute little book of verse that I can carry around in my hand bag. One of the quotes stood out to me like a lighthouse in a storm.  Messages of Help, Hope and Courage, it promised on the cover.  Appropriate as today I had a bit of a sook at work. Thank goodness Karen was there with her ample chest to give me a big hug and then make me laugh! She's a gooden :)

The quote reminded me of something that Mum used to tell me a lot :

 "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar"

Remember the other day I wrote about Mum and her "Minnisms", you know like Richard Fish. Anyway I cannot quite grasp why anyone would want to catch flies, unless of course the house was full of them and you wanted them out.  The other other Minnism is "You make more friends with flowers than brick bats".  Means the same thing.

Sometimes people react in a negative, defensive manner a lot quicker than they should. They immediately jump to the conclusion that you are out to get them, rather than help them. Bring them down rather than build them up.  Maybe it is due to the fact that they feel threatened or pushed into a corner, so that they attack rather than wait to get the full gist of what you are trying to convey.  I include my self in this generalisation.

It is a tricky balance to get right, I guess. A well meaning word turns into a brick bat.

I know a few times my weird sense of humour will have folk scratching their heads and wondering what on earth I am talking about.  Using one of those in house jokes that I think everyone will get by osmosis. Clearly we are not all on the same page or wave length. I mean take young George, who ever understood what he was on about??

At other times, I know that I have just been in too much of a hurry to explain myself fully in an email or instructions.  If I had taken the time to write a proper outline of what I meant, people would not have to write back seeking clarification.  Must be frustrating trying to work out what I mean. See, always in too much of a hurry.*

It is another thing to add to the list of "New and Helpful Traits to Master". This is a dilemma because at times you can offend or really upset someone.  You don't mean to dish out vinegar, you want to give them honey but the delivery is all wrong.  Along the way the honey undergoes alchemy of some kind and turns out all wrong. 

Need to pay more attention to Winnie and his wise words 

I can't talk about anyone else, but I know that I need to think a bit more at times.  I need to make sure that the message I am delivering is the message that is in my heart and in my brain.  I am not a cavalier person by nature when it comes to other peoples feelings. I want to handout ladles of honey not vinegar.  I don't want the latter to be the attitude that I portray.  I should take time to really think about how I should say something, instead of being in a hurry to put my two bobs worth in. 

Back to the quote: 

I've had my trials and troubles.  The Lord has given me both vinegar and honey, but He has given me the vinegar with a teaspoon and the honey with a ladle - William Bray

I am lucky that the vinegar I have been given has been in relatively small doses to the amount of honey I have had. When I take note of what else is going on just within our own small town, my portion, although huge to me and my family, is by comparison, manageable I suppose.  Hard but not completely and utterly unbearable now.

I have been given honey every now and then by the spoonful to ease the bitter taste of heartbreak and sorrow that could easily have become a bucket of vinegar.

The honey is my beautiful friends and wonderful family.  The kindnesses of people around me, no matter how small, remind me that I am not alone; this too will pass and love is still to be found if we just keep looking for it. It pops up in the most unlikely of places sometimes.

*My handwriting is another victim of hurrying too much but I think that I have already covered that dastardly trait.

Why Do I Write ?

This morning I read a very interesting article and I thought I would share with you some thoughts that I had about it.
The article can be seen in full here :

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/education-uprising/ten-things-creative-people-know


"Cross-cultural anthropologist Angeles Arrien tells us that in many traditional cultures, when an ill person goes to the healer, he or she is asked four questions: When did you stop singing? When did you stop dancing? When did you stop telling your story? When did you stop sitting in silence? She calls these the healing salves. Numerous studies show that activities like drawing and creative writing—even knitting—raise serotonin levels and decrease anxiety."

This is the paragraph that really danced in front of my eyes and then gave me a little slap on the head. It made me think about the way my life has been spilling over the last few weeks into a sadness that seems to hang onto me like Kate Winslet to the bedhead in the ocean.  Those little tear drops that are always just at the corner of my eyes. Even though at times I feel happiness, I also feel sadness that Chris cannot join me in the happy things.

Those four questions are so apt - not just to me but to us all.  When did you stop singing in the car because you are too busy worrying about what you need to do as soon as you get in the door;  how often do you sit in silence and just let your mind wander freely over daydreams or memories; why don't you dance at the kitchen sink anymore while the music plays and you do the dishes?

Pre-January 2014. I used to do these things a lot. I always used to sing in the car, the sewing room, the garden, at the sink; dance along to tunes while doing housework or the ironing  (sit-dance in the car, this involves a lot of hand and arm action!).

I am not doing them now and if I do sit in silence it is because I am in sorrow, not delightful contemplation about my next holiday or outing.

However, I do tell my story.  That's what I am able to do here.  My writing gives me a voice that I can use however I want to say whatever I want.  I don't have to worry about seeing a disapproving glance or a raised eyebrow or even an unholy heaven ward eye roll. I can just sit here and tap away and put all the thoughts that are chasing each other in my head, into a single neat little black line. One letter at a time. It's good, isn't it!

No one even has to read it to make me feel better but the great thing is, if they do and say something to me, then the blessing is magnified, many times.

I often told Chris that I hated to be ignored, so writing on a blog is great for me. The being ignored thing is something about being the youngest of six children, I think. By the time you get down the line that far, there's not a whole lot of energy left for child No. 6*. Not when you have a mother working and a Dad out earning a buck 7 days a week. So maybe, writing is a great way to say all those things that I would be unprepared to say face to face. I don't have to worry about burdening them with more information than they can handle either.  The reader can always just shut the lid, pull the plug, unsubscribe. 

I love the way the writer of the article above described these four points:

•           singing
•           sitting in silence
•           dancing
• and    telling your story            as healing salves

Doesn't sound calming?  We all need some kind of healing - we all suffer a hurt or a disappointment.  It's not just about me and my loss.  It's all of us who need a healing salve from time to time. 

Thriving When We Feel Supported is a by product of writing the blog. When I get supportive or encouraging feedback, I feel as though I have my own little band of cheering girls, egging me on and giving me the strength to just keep trying.  Trying is easy if I know that there is a friend out there who doesn't care if I face plant. They still love me, filthy faced or clean cheeked and that is a gift that no amount of money or fake concern can replicate.

And Knitting  - who could not be cheered, relaxed, soothed and calmed when they have a little pile of wool in their laps and two sharp objects criss-crossing, being used for the beautiful purpose of making something. And then giving it away - I love giving my hand mades away.  Whether they get used again, who knows. But the joy I have in making them is only surpassed in the joy of giving it to someone I love. 

Knitting decreases anxiety and releases seretonin; puts a smile on the receivers face (even if it is just a "Oh My God, she expects me to wear this" or worse  "She expects me to put this on my beautiful child!" type smile).  It doesn't matter, the job has been done! I am relaxed, my anxiety has decreased and my serotonin levels are increased. I have written my few paragraphs and I am at peace ......for awhile LOL!



* This is just my perception, not a slur against large families 

Packing Day Sunday

Packing Day Sunday has arrived with a cooling breeze and the promise of a warm clear day.  Not that it really matters about the weather, but I am taking that as a good sign, an omen if you like, that today will also go clear and smooth.

Today I will pack the car and all of the clothes that we still have here that are not in boxes down stairs.  The removalist is booked for tomorrow to pick up all the boxes and take them to Melbourne.  

Just sitting here, looking around the house, now Jonathan, Danika and Shaun's home, I can still see things everywhere that belong to us but wont be coming to WA.  Cushions on the couch; quilts thrown over chairs; table runners and place mats that I made; plants that I have had for well over twenty years that have been moved from pillar to post.  These things will not be moved this time. I might look at those as remants, little pieces of me that I am leaving behind.

My friend Miriam, who we are going to see in Victoria on the way West, has always had a lovely garden where ever she has lived.  She is also a very good gardener, green thumb if ever there was such a thing.  When we both lived on the NW Coast, we used to share various little cuttings out of each others gardens.  Pieces of roses, cute little ground covers. I clearly remember one day walking around Mim's garden and she pointed out a small white rose growing on the edge of the garden bed; she said, "There's a little piece of Kathy, I got that from you. I just stuck it in and away it went."

Memory has stuck in my head ever since and I love that idea of a little piece of me, or Mim, or some other friend being with me all the time.  I now do the same with fabric scraps, same idea, different medium :)

In a lot of my quilts, there is a little bit of Sharon,  a tidy smidge of Helen, a cute piece of red from Julie and on it goes. Taking my friends with me wherever I go in something that I have created.  I have left behind quite a few quilts in various homes dotted all over Tasmania. Those quilts are imbued with love and so in another way, I leave behind a little piece of Kathy and a lot of my love. 

I hope that today goes smoothly; I hope and pray that Chris' back continues to improve - yesterday was not a great day but then, yesterday is done now so I will focus on today. 
It is calm and quiet here this morning, no one else is up but Chris, Dizzy and I. The house is quiet and still.  Right behind me on Danika's utensil holder are the immortal words of Churchill;

Keep Calm and Carry On!

I will Winston, I will!

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday Danika and I drove down the coast to Wynyard to see Dad. Most of you know that Dad still lives by himself and is totally independant at 93.  He keeps in pretty good health and always feels better in summer. He cooks his own meals , does his own washing etc and makes jam, bread and pickles. 

    

 Dad in the jumper I knitted him last year - he said it was so big,

 I could give it to David Foster - cheeky bugger!

I rang him Tuesday to tell him that we would be coming down for a visit and he said that he was worried that I might already have left as he knew that it was coming up to leaving day soon. 

I would never have left the state without seeing Dad first.

We had a lovely few hours together talking and reminiscing.  When Danika and Shaun drove home just prior to Christmas, they came through the centre of Australia. Part of the trip was a visit to Uluru (Ayers Rock) and so Dad was telling Danika about the time that he and Mum went to Ayers Rock (as it was then). I told Danika that Dad bought a t-shirt  the night before he climbed the rock, that said  "I climbed Ayers Rock!"

He has always been like that, if he says he is going to do something, then he does it.

So as I was saying goodbye to Dad, I told him to take care of himself and not to overdo it, etc etc. I also said to him, "and always remember how much I love you!"

If there is one thing that I have learnt over my 52 years, it is never miss an opportunity to tell people you love that you do. I tell my friends, I tell my kids, I tell my sisters and brother and I tell my husband.  And when I tell people I love them, I mean it. 

In my fortunate life, I feel so lucky to still have my Dad; to have sisters and a brother to love and have as friends; I feel blessed to have friends that listen to me, support me and make me laugh when I'm blue. I am blessed to have three wonderful kids without whom I just could not have made it through the last couple of months. So telling them I love them is important. I would not want them to ever doubt the depth of my love for them.

We only have four more sleeps now till Departure Day.  Those antelopes are galloping again and I am only too aware that yesterday was just the start of the hard goodbyes. 

I hope and pray for the courage I need to be brave.

The Value of Solitude and Change

You know when we have a change to undergo, there will always be those around us that help us, encourage us and those who have opinions that although they may believe, is offered in a spirit of friendship - turns out to be distressing to me.

I am thankful for the friends and family who offer us wisdom in the form of ideas that we hadn't considered.  One of my good friends today, brought something to my attention that I hadn't considered when trying to decide on how we actually GET to Karratha.  She suggested 10 days and 4500 kilometers in a car may not be the best thing for my back, which at the best of times, is unreliable.  Good Point Pats! that helped us make the decision to drive only as far as Adelaide, then put the car on the transporter.

I appreciated her input and I appreciated that she gave it to me in the true spirit of wanting the best for me and to help us.

Another acquaintance went to great lengths to tell me of her opinion and bring to me all of the negative things that may or may not surround such a momentous change.  I think she thought that maybe I hadn't thought of all these negativities - I had. I have thought a lot about how this is going to effect Chris and I.  I choose not to dwell on these however.  I choose to go ahead. Then again, that advice could only come from her perspective. That does not correlate with my perspective.

This is a choice that we have made after careful consideration and thoughtful preparation - but I have made my decision to love and support my husband.  He is my life and he is my love.  I would do anything for him and he in turn would do anything for me.  I would be lost without him.  My home is in his arms and wherever he is, there I shall be also. Simple really; that's the promise I made 16 years ago.

I am so lucky that my children wholeheartedly support and love us in the move.  They have encouraged us to follow our dream to live and work somewhere else before it's too late and we are too old!! LOL  I am also very, very lucky that we have a close and loving relationship, not only with the kids but also my sisters, father and brother.  Distance will not diminish that love.

I know that this move will have many downs and a few big ups in the first few months. I remember what it was like when I moved to Canberra many years ago with a young baby.  It was hard but my goodness those years in Canberra were a lot of fun.  The  things I learnt cannot be understated either - both about myself and about life in general.

Moving to Karratha, literally  on the other side of Australia from here, will most likely have it's lonely, solitary times. Especially if Chris has to go out in the field and stay overnight.  I'm pretty used to that - Chris has always travelled for his work the entire time we have been together. It is hard but luckily, I quite enjoy solitude.  I quite relish having time to myself, sitting quietly or tearing around feverishly, as I am known to do - pottering around the house, loitering in the playroom or just knitting or sewing while watching a DVD.

Solitude and being lonely are two very different things - I understand that too.  I know I will be lonely at times; I also know that I can be lonely right here, right now.  People can be lonely even when they are surrounded by people. Luckily to for me, I am not a very lonely type of person.  If I get lonely, I get out and do something.  I do enjoy my time alone and I try to make the best of it.   Solitude gives me an opportunity to think, plan, revisit happy memories and think about the people I miss.  It's not so maudlin, missing people - it makes you appreciate them all the more and realise how lucky you are to have them in your life.

Day One

So this is it. We have now begun a journey that will take several months and then some as we settle into a new life in a new state.
It all started, really, 11 months ago when my husband,Chris, was quite suddenly made redundant. You know how people alway say , "well things happen for a reason." Well truer words and all that. Chris had just recently turned 60, so a big change like this was not really that welcome. We had a lovely, simple, home with family and friends nearby. Needless to say we were thrown into a bit of a tailspin.
"Oh well, we'll be Ok. I have  a good job, a steady job in public service.  Something will come up soon."
We had already started to plan an overseas trip in 2013, so we just kept on that path and networked around for a new job for Chris.
Fast forward to July this year: a couple of weeks before we were to head off to beautiful Paris and Chris was offered a position in Karratha, Western Australia!!  A great job, a great package, a great opportunity - but Karratha??!!

Chris went up there for a look and visit, to see what the job entailed and where we would live etc. He came back to Launceston buoyed. We agreed it was too good an opportunity to miss, especially at our ages.

So this morning at 5.00 o'clock, I took my beloved out to the airport for stage one of three flights, that will see him arrive in Karratha at about 7 p.m., our time as the first flight was delayed - off to a good start :)

This blog is first and foremost for me.  Thirty years ago when I did a similar move, it was documented by pen and paper, but technology has moved on since then, so as will I.
I want to keep a track of how this all goes, what will be involved in the process and how I will cope. Feel free to join the ride. I reckon it will be interesting, well for me anyway !