Honey and Vinegar

I had a little surprise waiting for me when I got home. I love to get mail and I prefer the ones that don't have windows or unrequested raffle books (that I then have to buy myself cos I don't want to bug my friends to buy them and I feel bad sending them back unsold!).

My little surprise was  a hand written note and a cute little book of verse that I can carry around in my hand bag. One of the quotes stood out to me like a lighthouse in a storm.  Messages of Help, Hope and Courage, it promised on the cover.  Appropriate as today I had a bit of a sook at work. Thank goodness Karen was there with her ample chest to give me a big hug and then make me laugh! She's a gooden :)

The quote reminded me of something that Mum used to tell me a lot :

 "You catch more flies with honey than vinegar"

Remember the other day I wrote about Mum and her "Minnisms", you know like Richard Fish. Anyway I cannot quite grasp why anyone would want to catch flies, unless of course the house was full of them and you wanted them out.  The other other Minnism is "You make more friends with flowers than brick bats".  Means the same thing.

Sometimes people react in a negative, defensive manner a lot quicker than they should. They immediately jump to the conclusion that you are out to get them, rather than help them. Bring them down rather than build them up.  Maybe it is due to the fact that they feel threatened or pushed into a corner, so that they attack rather than wait to get the full gist of what you are trying to convey.  I include my self in this generalisation.

It is a tricky balance to get right, I guess. A well meaning word turns into a brick bat.

I know a few times my weird sense of humour will have folk scratching their heads and wondering what on earth I am talking about.  Using one of those in house jokes that I think everyone will get by osmosis. Clearly we are not all on the same page or wave length. I mean take young George, who ever understood what he was on about??

At other times, I know that I have just been in too much of a hurry to explain myself fully in an email or instructions.  If I had taken the time to write a proper outline of what I meant, people would not have to write back seeking clarification.  Must be frustrating trying to work out what I mean. See, always in too much of a hurry.*

It is another thing to add to the list of "New and Helpful Traits to Master". This is a dilemma because at times you can offend or really upset someone.  You don't mean to dish out vinegar, you want to give them honey but the delivery is all wrong.  Along the way the honey undergoes alchemy of some kind and turns out all wrong. 

Need to pay more attention to Winnie and his wise words 

I can't talk about anyone else, but I know that I need to think a bit more at times.  I need to make sure that the message I am delivering is the message that is in my heart and in my brain.  I am not a cavalier person by nature when it comes to other peoples feelings. I want to handout ladles of honey not vinegar.  I don't want the latter to be the attitude that I portray.  I should take time to really think about how I should say something, instead of being in a hurry to put my two bobs worth in. 

Back to the quote: 

I've had my trials and troubles.  The Lord has given me both vinegar and honey, but He has given me the vinegar with a teaspoon and the honey with a ladle - William Bray

I am lucky that the vinegar I have been given has been in relatively small doses to the amount of honey I have had. When I take note of what else is going on just within our own small town, my portion, although huge to me and my family, is by comparison, manageable I suppose.  Hard but not completely and utterly unbearable now.

I have been given honey every now and then by the spoonful to ease the bitter taste of heartbreak and sorrow that could easily have become a bucket of vinegar.

The honey is my beautiful friends and wonderful family.  The kindnesses of people around me, no matter how small, remind me that I am not alone; this too will pass and love is still to be found if we just keep looking for it. It pops up in the most unlikely of places sometimes.

*My handwriting is another victim of hurrying too much but I think that I have already covered that dastardly trait.

Why Do I Write ?

This morning I read a very interesting article and I thought I would share with you some thoughts that I had about it.
The article can be seen in full here :

http://www.yesmagazine.org/issues/education-uprising/ten-things-creative-people-know


"Cross-cultural anthropologist Angeles Arrien tells us that in many traditional cultures, when an ill person goes to the healer, he or she is asked four questions: When did you stop singing? When did you stop dancing? When did you stop telling your story? When did you stop sitting in silence? She calls these the healing salves. Numerous studies show that activities like drawing and creative writing—even knitting—raise serotonin levels and decrease anxiety."

This is the paragraph that really danced in front of my eyes and then gave me a little slap on the head. It made me think about the way my life has been spilling over the last few weeks into a sadness that seems to hang onto me like Kate Winslet to the bedhead in the ocean.  Those little tear drops that are always just at the corner of my eyes. Even though at times I feel happiness, I also feel sadness that Chris cannot join me in the happy things.

Those four questions are so apt - not just to me but to us all.  When did you stop singing in the car because you are too busy worrying about what you need to do as soon as you get in the door;  how often do you sit in silence and just let your mind wander freely over daydreams or memories; why don't you dance at the kitchen sink anymore while the music plays and you do the dishes?

Pre-January 2014. I used to do these things a lot. I always used to sing in the car, the sewing room, the garden, at the sink; dance along to tunes while doing housework or the ironing  (sit-dance in the car, this involves a lot of hand and arm action!).

I am not doing them now and if I do sit in silence it is because I am in sorrow, not delightful contemplation about my next holiday or outing.

However, I do tell my story.  That's what I am able to do here.  My writing gives me a voice that I can use however I want to say whatever I want.  I don't have to worry about seeing a disapproving glance or a raised eyebrow or even an unholy heaven ward eye roll. I can just sit here and tap away and put all the thoughts that are chasing each other in my head, into a single neat little black line. One letter at a time. It's good, isn't it!

No one even has to read it to make me feel better but the great thing is, if they do and say something to me, then the blessing is magnified, many times.

I often told Chris that I hated to be ignored, so writing on a blog is great for me. The being ignored thing is something about being the youngest of six children, I think. By the time you get down the line that far, there's not a whole lot of energy left for child No. 6*. Not when you have a mother working and a Dad out earning a buck 7 days a week. So maybe, writing is a great way to say all those things that I would be unprepared to say face to face. I don't have to worry about burdening them with more information than they can handle either.  The reader can always just shut the lid, pull the plug, unsubscribe. 

I love the way the writer of the article above described these four points:

•           singing
•           sitting in silence
•           dancing
• and    telling your story            as healing salves

Doesn't sound calming?  We all need some kind of healing - we all suffer a hurt or a disappointment.  It's not just about me and my loss.  It's all of us who need a healing salve from time to time. 

Thriving When We Feel Supported is a by product of writing the blog. When I get supportive or encouraging feedback, I feel as though I have my own little band of cheering girls, egging me on and giving me the strength to just keep trying.  Trying is easy if I know that there is a friend out there who doesn't care if I face plant. They still love me, filthy faced or clean cheeked and that is a gift that no amount of money or fake concern can replicate.

And Knitting  - who could not be cheered, relaxed, soothed and calmed when they have a little pile of wool in their laps and two sharp objects criss-crossing, being used for the beautiful purpose of making something. And then giving it away - I love giving my hand mades away.  Whether they get used again, who knows. But the joy I have in making them is only surpassed in the joy of giving it to someone I love. 

Knitting decreases anxiety and releases seretonin; puts a smile on the receivers face (even if it is just a "Oh My God, she expects me to wear this" or worse  "She expects me to put this on my beautiful child!" type smile).  It doesn't matter, the job has been done! I am relaxed, my anxiety has decreased and my serotonin levels are increased. I have written my few paragraphs and I am at peace ......for awhile LOL!



* This is just my perception, not a slur against large families 

So Far, So Good

Today has been a really productive day.  I have finally got the go ahead from Chris' manager to make our bookings myself. So after a good sleep, I felt inspired to get stuck into the days list early. So early in fact that I went to message my BIL (brother in law) at 6.40 re printing.  Good thing, I didn't send it, they are not early risers.

The Spirit of Tassie was the first and easiest to book.  We have a cabin reserved due to set sail on January 13th at 2100. Dizzy's bed for the night will cost the grand sum of $22!  I certainly hope that he will be comfortable and not fret too much.

I am off to buy his pet carrier tomorrow and am going to put it in the sitting room where his little bed usually is.  That way I figure he will get used to the sight of it, if nothing else.  I am getting some spare blankies ready for the trip but giving them to him for a few hours, letting him play and sleep on them and then putting them away.  This is so I have a few spares, in case I need to throw a couple away.

See he loves his blankies

Dizzy went to the Vet this afternoon and he was well behaved, so I am telling myself that that bodes well for the boat and plane expeditions coming up.

I accidentally booked him onto the wrong flights when I did the animal freight booking.  When booking with Qantas pet freight, you have to get clearance from the airline to ensure that they have room on the flight you want before they can accept the booking.  So before I booked our seats, I had to make sure that they could fit Dizzy underneath. It was a nervous wait to hear back via email. When I received the confirmation to go ahead, that was when I realised I had made the reservation on the wrong QF!

After a 30 minute wait on hold, a lovely lady, called Tina, sorted it all out for me. Good to know for an ex Call Centre teacher like me that there are still excellent customer service representatives out there in telephone world.  Thanks Tina from Qantas Pet Freight.

Now Dizzy is sorted, bookings are made, the removalist is on standby for the appointed date and I am starting to feel much more relaxed.

The plan in all it's glory is now starting to come together nicely.  We will take the ferry over to Melbourne; drive just north of Geelong to spend the night with an old friend whom I have known since kindergarten; travel on to Victor Harbour to stay with dear friends, who have settled there recently.  After two days break we will leave the car in Adelaide and catch flights to Karratha. This will save us at least 7 days driving.  Better for us; better for Dizzy.

Now all I have to do, is get this house in some kind of order, pack away each and everything that we may need for our lives in Karratha and arrange to put the rest into storage.