Neighbours - Friend or Foe?

Many years ago when I was a young single mother, I made a friend.  It was a typical way to make a new friend as  young mum, through your children who were already friends.  Ms S was a single girl as well with one little girl the same age as my Danika. Her daughter, let's call her Kasey, and Danika were about 7 or 8 at the time . I was about 30, newly separated, three children under 10, working part time and studying full time towards a diploma in Social Welfare. 

I tell you this just in the way of setting the scene - time poor, busy, financially iffy and a bit keen to make new friends while trying to make a new life for myself and the children. 

Anyway, with the small amount of settlement that I retrieved from the marriage, I had just enough to buy a small house. Dad pitched in a nice little amount to help with the deposit. So  I started looking about for a suitable home for us close to the kids school.  Ms S said, "Oh there is a cute little place in our street, just over the road from us."  Now at this stage we weren't really close friends just acquaintances, really. So I checked out the house. It was tidy, clean, big enough for us and within my budget - what's not to love ??  I made an offer and it was accepted. 

My family did the moving in for me one Friday (as I always worked Friday)  and we went about making it ours, comfortable and putting in  a garden.  It was a good little house.

I have moved quite a bit since I first got married - we had moved several times, for instance when we lived in Canberra for 6 and a half years, we moved four times. Soooooo.....get the picture.  To say that I was excited to have my own little house to make into a home was kind of an understatement.

The children and I were really happy there but as time went on, the friend, over the road, who lived on her own with her one child, became a bit of a burden. She started dropping over at inappropriate times on the weakest of excuses; asking for assistance at busy times; and inviting herself to my  place at the times when I really wanted her to not be there.  Then onto the scene came an old boyfriend of hers and she began to drag me into her drama.  One night at midnight, when my brother was staying, she rang saying that I had to go over there because of some reason or other as her ex was there making a nuisance of himself. It got to be too much.  She was just sucking dry my good nature and neighbourliness.  She knew how to pick her target though - a trainee welfare worker!! Who else would be so willing to help and try to sort out your emotional messes?? Perfect!

Isn't it great though that there is always a ying in your yang.  Enter Mr and Mrs Bugg, the neighbours on the south side. Mrs Bugg was the most gentle beautiful soul, all snowy curls and a sweet, sweet smile. Twin set and pearls.  Mr Bugg was a returned service man, tall, proud and with a lovely warm smile and a beautiful nature.  The Buggs were about the same age as my parents, who lived at least 30 minutes away in the country.  Excellent proxy grandies for my three.

Mrs Bugg kept to herself mostly with just a little wave and hello; Mr Bugg however, was one of Emily's best friends when she was a pre-schooler.  He had a fantastic garden with many garden rooms and great hiding spots.  He also had a lot of time for a cute little blondie, who had a penchant for mischief and charm. 

There was a jasmine vine in between our drives and paths, which handily had ideal little kid sized holes, that Emily could sneak through, nearly undetected, by both me and Mr Bugg. Emily loved Mr Bugg and I do believe that Mr Bugg was really quite fond of Emily.  She would often slip through the jasmine when she was in trouble at home and more than once I heard Mr Bugg say, "What have you done this time Emily?"  She would follow him around the garden, eat his strawberries, go and say hello to Mrs Bugg, most probably get a biscuit and eventually come back home, usually when the kids got home from school. 

I was truly blessed to have the Buggs as neighbours when both my children and I really needed an older friendly couple living next door.  When Mr Bugg got sick and went to heaven, I was really sad.  There was definately a gap in our lives.  He was such a dear gentleman; he was a friend to us all  but mostly it was Emily who had spent the most time with Mr Bugg.

We have been blessed here in Launceston too with a lovely neighbour in the form of Terry. But Terry deserves a post all of his own, so I will save that story.

Normally it is my habit to keep to myself in neighbourhoods, but every now and then you meet a Terry or a family like the Buggs, that make it so worthwhile to put your reticence in check.

The Value of Solitude and Change

You know when we have a change to undergo, there will always be those around us that help us, encourage us and those who have opinions that although they may believe, is offered in a spirit of friendship - turns out to be distressing to me.

I am thankful for the friends and family who offer us wisdom in the form of ideas that we hadn't considered.  One of my good friends today, brought something to my attention that I hadn't considered when trying to decide on how we actually GET to Karratha.  She suggested 10 days and 4500 kilometers in a car may not be the best thing for my back, which at the best of times, is unreliable.  Good Point Pats! that helped us make the decision to drive only as far as Adelaide, then put the car on the transporter.

I appreciated her input and I appreciated that she gave it to me in the true spirit of wanting the best for me and to help us.

Another acquaintance went to great lengths to tell me of her opinion and bring to me all of the negative things that may or may not surround such a momentous change.  I think she thought that maybe I hadn't thought of all these negativities - I had. I have thought a lot about how this is going to effect Chris and I.  I choose not to dwell on these however.  I choose to go ahead. Then again, that advice could only come from her perspective. That does not correlate with my perspective.

This is a choice that we have made after careful consideration and thoughtful preparation - but I have made my decision to love and support my husband.  He is my life and he is my love.  I would do anything for him and he in turn would do anything for me.  I would be lost without him.  My home is in his arms and wherever he is, there I shall be also. Simple really; that's the promise I made 16 years ago.

I am so lucky that my children wholeheartedly support and love us in the move.  They have encouraged us to follow our dream to live and work somewhere else before it's too late and we are too old!! LOL  I am also very, very lucky that we have a close and loving relationship, not only with the kids but also my sisters, father and brother.  Distance will not diminish that love.

I know that this move will have many downs and a few big ups in the first few months. I remember what it was like when I moved to Canberra many years ago with a young baby.  It was hard but my goodness those years in Canberra were a lot of fun.  The  things I learnt cannot be understated either - both about myself and about life in general.

Moving to Karratha, literally  on the other side of Australia from here, will most likely have it's lonely, solitary times. Especially if Chris has to go out in the field and stay overnight.  I'm pretty used to that - Chris has always travelled for his work the entire time we have been together. It is hard but luckily, I quite enjoy solitude.  I quite relish having time to myself, sitting quietly or tearing around feverishly, as I am known to do - pottering around the house, loitering in the playroom or just knitting or sewing while watching a DVD.

Solitude and being lonely are two very different things - I understand that too.  I know I will be lonely at times; I also know that I can be lonely right here, right now.  People can be lonely even when they are surrounded by people. Luckily to for me, I am not a very lonely type of person.  If I get lonely, I get out and do something.  I do enjoy my time alone and I try to make the best of it.   Solitude gives me an opportunity to think, plan, revisit happy memories and think about the people I miss.  It's not so maudlin, missing people - it makes you appreciate them all the more and realise how lucky you are to have them in your life.

Settling in

Chris has been in Karratha for five days now and I must admit that the time has gone quite quickly.  I am fairly used to having him away from home.  In the 18 years that we have been together, he has always travelled for his work.  When we first met, Chris was a partner in a metal recycling business which meant travel away from home, intra or interstate, at least every fortnight.  I got used to being home alone either with the children or in later years by myself. 

For the first few days, it is quite pleasant; you get lots of bit and bobs done; time alone to just read or vege out in front of a movie, sewing  - whatever I felt like really.  But inevitably something would go wrong and it would usually be when Chris was away. At that time, all I wanted was for him to be here with me.
Like the time that our little Love Pup, Max, had a stroke and had to be put to sleep - Chris was away that time. Thank Goodness for our lovely neighbour who went with me to the vets and then helped me bring Max home again.  My wonderful B-I.-L came over and dug the hole in the garden to bury Max; God I cried buckets.

It was an awful night and I know Chris felt horrid for being away, but that's the way of things isn't it - shit happens and normally at the worst time. Actually when is it a good time for shit to happen??
But I  digress....this week has not been too bad because I had my daughter and S-I-L here till Monday night and my beautiful  Jonathan lives downstairs. "And Then" brother Ian arrived last night, so my cup runneth over at present. 
I'm sure it has been worse for Chris than I. My time will come when I am missing him badly.  At least I can call him, taking into account of course the three hour time difference.

So The List has had a respite for a few days. No doubt once I am home alone, it will get another kick along.

It is only three and a half weeks until I leave work - a place that I have been employed at in various roles for  9 years. That's a post for another day though.

And its only three and a half weeks until I go to Karratha for the weekend.
 
It is Friday evening and I have a brother to talk to, washing to attend to and a little dog to lavish some attention on cos I reckon he is missing his Dad.

If anyone is reading along at this stage, have a good weekend :)

 

My Beloved