A Momentus Birthday

My Cup Runneth Over 

I think I have said before about a song my Mother used to sing all the time when I was a little girl.  It was sung by the man who played Gomer Pyle ~ Jim Nabors.  He had the most melodic voice and so strong. And boy could he hold a note!  That song not only reminds me of my darling Mum but also gives me a nudge to recall how full my cup is of Love.

Look at that cheeky lop sided grin

Mum used to hum this song and sing it when she was wandering about the house doing Mum things.  I loved it and it obviously had a  huge affect on my small self because I still sing it, I used to sing it to Chris and I say it all the time - my cup aint half full, it aint half empty ~ it is brimmming over the top.  Clearly it has become a mantra for me because this was a birthday gift from my sister...

This year  my birthday was an extra special occassion for a couple of reasons:

•                 my first as an unemployed person for about 40 years
•                 Christine, Peter and Alan were here to share it with me
•              I officially began life as a SFR (self funded retiree)
•              my fifth as a widow

And in keeping with the theme of Blessings, this year I felt much more content with notching up another year on my own.  I was thinking about past years this morning and recalling cringe worthy moments.  You know those times when you REALLY wish you could turn back the clock and not say that thing, not push that button, just let the sleeping dog snooze on.  But because we are humans ergo not perfect, there is always something we could have done better.

With the addition of years comes the substraction of giving away those precious fucks.  I am finally, finally, realising that I dont have to give my all to people who dont give me anything; I dont have to look like Meg Ryan just because we are the same age ~ (I am more your Susan Boyle type lady ) and I only have to live up to my expectations and trust me, they are tough enough.

 My legs may not be long, slim and tidy but the places these short, fat legs have taken me have been amazing.

These little legs have climbed up the Great Wall, wandered around Pompeii, walked for miles around fascinating places,  skipped down the Champs Elysees (well skipping is a stretch), waltzed around the dance floor and held me up when I thought I could only crawl. 

These arms with generous fadoobidas have held my Love, cradled precious babies, soothed my darlings, greeted loved ones with big squishy hugs, swum in the Mediterranean; cleaned, cooked, washed, typed, gardened, dug, sewed and knitted and still worked just fine regardless of what they look like. 

For too many years, I have believed the stuff that other people projected about me about not being good enough or was that just my own self projecting what I thought they thought.... I dont know and that's  a bit hard to tease out this morning.  Time is short, lots to do. 

Anyway...this year its about being thankful for what I have.  I am so lucky to have the beautiful family I have, lovely dear friends who do actually care about me, a dear little house, good health, freedom to do what I like, freedom to go where I want to go and a sense of contentment that reminds me life is amazing and it is all about the small stuff.  

My Favourite Month

Being a fairly traditional kind of person, I am also fairly predictable. So no surprises that September is my favourite month  - it is my birthday month.

Normally I look forward to my birthday with a child like anticipation of being spoilt and having a fuss made.  This year I just wanted the day to come and quickly go.  I wasn't looking forward to it, I was dreading it - just like I have dreaded many of the Special Days of the calendar this year.

The last few months have been a bit horrid.  After keeping it all together for the weddings and getting through Chris' birthday, July arrived with a great crashing thud followed on by a glum and sorry August.

This was exacerbated by the fact that I contracted the dratted flu and was very sick for about three weeks; add into the mixing pot, dreary winter days, final tax returns for my beloved and a long drawn out renovation that should have taken three weeks max. and took just under seven!! (That's a whole post ion its own, everything went wrong with wrong baths, vanities made wrong and damaged shelf units....oh dear!)

So you can see, I had a bit going on.  Anyway, like my sister keeps telling me - this too shall pass and it did.  Even though I don't like her telling me that.

So my birthday ....turns out it was going to be worse than I had imagined. I received a phone call telling me the news that a very dear friend of ours had passed away on my birthday.  Dear kind Terry, adored husband of Sue, what a lovely man he was.  Terry had been battling cancer for six years and had always shown remarkable strength, unwavering love and devotion to his wife.

Terry had resilience and guts that I admired immensely.  He was a true gentleman, not smug and seeking his own grandification, just a true honest friend.  Sue and Terry welcomed Chris with open arms over 11 years ago when we moved to Launceston to start a new job. They proved to be loving reliable companions, whom we both loved.

My heart broke again when Sue told me of Terry's passing because I knew what lay ahead for her.

I just hope that Terry and Chris have found each other in Heaven and are swapping yarns, reliving old Glory Days and looking down on Sue and I with careful, loving eyes. I'm sure they support us still and send us both strength.

And now September, lovely Spring September.  The days are longer, Chris' beautiful daffs are coming out and there is a general feeling of renewal in the air.

I feel calmer and somehow a bit stronger.  I feel brighter about the future, not so scared and not so daunted.

Maybe my cup has been re-filled.  Maybe my Darling and God are getting their heads together and sending hope and love and inspiration.

Maybe I have found the road that is  a little bit wider, a little bit less steep, a little bit more picturesque; maybe it's because it's Spring!

Whatever the reason, I will take it and  hold it very close cos I don't want it to rewind.

Chris' Day

Today is Chris' Birthday. He would have been 62. 

Chris on his 21st Birthday *

Wasn't he gorgeous?

But he is not here to wish Happy Birthday to, so instead we will celebrate his life.  We will thank God over and over again for sharing 18 wonderful birthdays with Chris.  We will remember all the happy birthdays that we did share together.

We will celebrate the fact that he came into our lives and changed us all for the better.  (I like to think we reciprocated on that deal)  We will relish in the fact that he loved us and never tired of showing us how much. 

The last few weeks have been particularly rocky, hence no posts. We have another wedding to take joy in next weekend and I am praying that this is the start of a more settled time. 

A lot of things have changed in the two photos above.  As Chris said, he had an incredibly lucky, good life and right there is the proof of how lucky we both were.  

* photo courtesy of D. and C. Rossiter